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The Leadership Value of 1:1s: What one leader learned when regular check-ins disappeared—and why bringing back this small ritual had a huge impact
“She already has so much on her plate—I figured our 1:1s were the last thing she needed,” a client confided in me, explaining why it had been months since he last connected with his director.
A stalwart employee, he knew his role inside and out and felt confident that skipping regular check-ins wouldn’t impact his performance. His earned autonomy was a point of pride—proof that his lead trusted him to deliver. To him, giving up 1:1 time felt like an act of support. His boss had just taken on more scope and was clearly overwhelmed. He believed he was being empathetic by stepping back. If something urgent came up, he could ping her—and she could do the same.
This client was a classic high-performer—an overachiever accustomed to flying under the radar. The situation felt familiar: the “problem” people get attention, while the competent ones are rewarded with independence. It’s a feedback loop many high performers know well.
But despite his continued impact, he was becoming increasingly disconnected, discouraged, and burnt out. The time zone difference made synchronous check-ins rare. Where they once worked in the same building, they were now fully remote and only saw each other when they coordinated calendars.
Both he and his boss had fallen into the same trap: undervaluing the role of rapport in driving productivity, outcomes, cohesion—and wellbeing.
Side Bar: IYKYK (If You Know, You Know)
As a thought experiment, think of someone you hated working with—ideally, someone you reported to. How did that experience shape your behaviour?
Maybe you canceled 1:1s, avoided conversations, limited contact. Or maybe you chose confrontation. Whatever your strategy, chances are it landed in one of two camps: avoidance or confrontation.
Now reflect on the ripple effects: how did avoiding or confronting this person impact project outcomes, team dynamics, or your own wellbeing?
Here’s why this matters: regardless of why communication breaks down—whether it’s conflict or logistical barriers—the downstream effects often look the same.
And my client knew this. That’s why he and his boss had adapted by creating a weekly Slack “stand-up” thread: a quick exchange of updates, priorities, and blockers. It was a way to stay in sync across time zones without adding another meeting.
It worked—for a while. The async updates helped maintain transparency while keeping calendars clear.
But over time, both started experiencing issues that mirrored those you'd expect from a strained relationship. Because whether avoidance is intentional or circumstantial, the effects are the same.
My client began taking on more responsibility—trying to “help” by being one less burden to his lead. But in doing so, he was broadening his boundaries unilaterally and beginning to feel resentful. While he might’ve been unblocked via a green checkmark, he lacked the context that helps guide decision-making. Without shared stories or regular conversation, his cognitive load increased. The work became heavier, not because it was harder, but because it was lonelier.
He was tired. Isolated. Holding up the weight of the work alone. His lead, grateful for his independence, hadn’t realized that in letting go of their 1:1s, she was unintentionally making him feel more invisible. He began daydreaming about leaving the company.
In fast-paced environments, leaders make countless decisions each day. With calendars stretched thin, it’s tempting to drop anything that seems “nonessential”—especially 1:1s with high performers who appear to be fine on their own.
Ask your favorite GenAI tool what 1:1s are good for, and you’ll get a list: they build trust, support growth, surface problems early. And many leaders think they can achieve all that with async updates. Transparency = checklist. Growth = to-dos. Problems = 🚨 emoji.
But in my client’s case, the async check-ins stopped working. What was meant as a short-term fix became a long-term loss. It wasn’t just the updates that were missing—it was the connection. They’d optimized for efficiency and sacrificed relationship in the process.
And while it was easy to blame remote work, the truth is: it doesn’t matter whether you’re in-person, hybrid, or fully remote. Rapport isn’t about where you build it—it’s about how you show up.
Eventually, my client realized that asking for regular 1:1s wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was an act of leadership. His presence and voice deserved more than a bullet-point summary. By upholding the 1:1 commitment, he was modeling the kind of leadership and shared accountability that drives team success.
Reframing the check-ins as rapport-building—not just status updates—allowed him to reset boundaries and prioritize meaningful touchpoints. Some might call this “managing up,” but I’d argue it’s leadership in action. A signal of future success in any leadership role.
I never spoke with his lead, but when she recommitted to regular 1:1s, she sent a clear message: that she was choosing to be present, intentional, and human. Even from a distance, she was shaping team culture.
In doing so, she was supporting a high performer in the way many leaders struggle to: not by giving them more to do, but by acknowledging what they’re carrying. High performers often burn out not from working too much—but from working under the wrong conditions for too long. Burnout isn’t a personal failure. It’s a systems issue.
By following through on those 1:1s, she signaled that he mattered—to her, to the team, to the organization. That recognition helped him feel visible again. They re-established boundaries. She offered context and nuance he hadn’t had access to. She created space for him to feel more connected to the work, and to identify projects that aligned with his career aspirations—even if those eventually took him elsewhere.
1:1s aren’t just check-ins—they’re a frontline defense against burnout
Burnout isn’t just about working too hard or taking on too much—it’s a sign that the system is failing, not the person. Preventing it is less about rest and more about making work sustainable, supported, and meaningful.
Too often, we associate preventing burnout with encouraging PTO, but it’s also rethinking how we lead.
It starts by advocating for what you need. Being intentional about rapport, not just updates. And designing how we show up as a team—instead of defaulting to whatever feels easiest in the moment.
Rebuilding connection doesn’t require grand gestures—it starts with small, intentional acts. A 1:1 on the calendar. A genuine check-in. A little more curiosity, a little less autopilot. When we prioritize rapport, we don’t just create stronger teams—we create more sustainable, human ways of working. And in a world that’s constantly speeding up, choosing to slow down and really see each other might just be the most radical leadership move of all.
To your success!
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Written and edited by: Kristina Mausser
Review generated by: ChatGPT, OpenAi. Revised for clarity.
